Kid You Not
by Steampunkgirl198
Summary: A dialogue-only story between Frisk, Sans, and then Papyrus. This is a pure pun-trash fic, enjoy.


"alright kid, now you try."

"...What did the news reporters do when the soccer game was cancelled and they got the day off?"

"I dunno, what'd they do?"

"They had a field day!"

"...kid."

"Uh-huh?"

"that was awful. i am so proud of you."

"Really?"

"yeah really! in fact, I think we should tell Pap your new joke."

"But I thought Mom said not to tell Papyrus new jokes while he was working?"

"...kid, you know I love Tori-"

"I know and it's GROSS!"

" _you're_ gross. anyways, what i'm getting at here is that as great as Tori is, sometimes you've got to completely disregard what others tell you for the sake of a good pun."

"Or joke!"

"that's right, or joke. you get what i'm sayin' here?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"Great. Alright, now let's call up Pappy. you ready?"

"Yeah."

"you know what you're going to say and everything?"

"Yeah."

"you know good set up is key, right kiddo?"

"Yeah!"

"alright, just saying."

"HELLO? HUMAN IS THAT YOU? YOU HAVE REACHED I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS."

"Hi Papyrus!"

"HELLO HUMAN. DO YOU NEED HELP? I AM VERY BUSY, WHAT WITH CONTINUING TO HONE MY SPAGHETTIMAKING SKILLS. WHICH ARE COMING ALONG QUITE WELL ACCORDING TO UNDYNE! AND ALPHYS. SHE HAS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT OPINION OF HOW SPAGHETTI SHOULD BE MADE, BUT LATELY THERE HAVE BEEN FAR FEWER FIRES. THE FIREFIGHTERS CALLED THE OTHER DAY TO MAKE SURE WE WERE ALRIGHT, SINCE THEY HADN'T HEARD FROM US. I TOLD THEM THAT WE WERE MORE THAN ALRIGHT! IN FACT, WE WERE GREAT! WE HAD JUST FINISHED A NEW POT OF SPAGHETTI, AND SO I OFFERED TO SHARE IT WITH THEM, BUT THEY SAID THEY HAD TO HANG UP BECAUSE OF A FIRE HAPPENING SOMEWHERE. I THINK THEY SAID IT WAS IN THE LIBRARY? OR MAYBE IT WAS THE CARD STORE. IT WAS DIFFICULT TO TELL WITH THEM SUDDENLY ALL SHOUTING AT THE SAME TIME. IT MUST HAVE BEEN A BIG FIRE TO CONCERN THEM SO MUCH. I HOPE EVERYONE WAS ALRIGHT.

"jeesh. sometimes i almost forget how much papyrus likes to talk."

"Shhhhh! He'll hear you!"

"sorry kid."

...SAY, DID YOU CALL FOR ANY PARTICULAR REASON HUMAN?

"Yes!"

"OH! WELL THEN BY ALL MEANS, TELL THE GREAT PAPYRUSE YOUR CALLING PURPOSE."

"I wanted to ask you if you'd watched the news today!"

"THE NEWS? NO, I HAVEN'T WATCHED THE NEWS PROGRAM TODAY. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"Because there was a soccer game today-"

"SOCCER? I LIKE SOCCER! UNDYNE OFFERED TO SHOW ME HOW TO PLAY ONCE, BUT WE WERE ASKED TO LEAVE AFTER SHE INJURED THE GOALIE. AND THE NET. ..AND DEFLATED THE BALL-"

"The game was cancelled."

"OH. THAT IS TOO BAD."

"It's alright though, because the reporters got the rest of the day off!"

"pfftt. nice set-up."

"THAT IS NICE."

"Yeah! And do you know what the reporters who had gone out to the game did?"

"NO, I DO NOT KNOW."

"They had a field day!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...I AM HANGING UP NOW, HUMAN."

"is he gone?"

"Yeah."

"how long do you think it will take?"

"5 seconds."

"hmph, that's a lengthy wait time kiddo."

"He handles jokes better than puns."

"true."

"Yea-"

"there he is. you want to answer it?"

"Nah."

"alrighty then. hey pap, what's up?"

"SANS."

"yeah bro?"

"EVERY DAY YOU FIND NEW WAYS TO MAKE ME WISH I WERE AN ONLY SKELETON. YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD."

"i do what i can."

"I AM GOING TO TELL TORIEL THAT YOU ARE CONTINUING TO CORRUPT THE YOUTH."

"oh come on, don't drag tori into this papyrus. you really get my goat when you do that."

"SANS."

"yeah?"

"I'M GOING TO START SCREAMING IN ABOUT FIVE SECONDS."

"huh, i guess you were right frisk, five seconds it is. good bet."

"BET? SANS YOU HAD BETTER BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW."

"..."

"nice goat pun, you really didn't hold baaack."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

"heh."

"Bye Papyrus!"

 **AN:** I regret nothing.


End file.
